( bootycall )

[underwhelms]

hey, you've reached
✨👑KING JJ👑✨

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[cajolery]

If you wish to convince me of your contrition, then I advise you to not sound so amenable to being scolded—let alone mention the mothering skills I will only be needing in your baseless misconception!

My word, what on earth did you hear to make you seize upon the notion that I was with child?

[underwhelms]

You remember the big party? We were talking and you were telling me about your incident with Percival. [ He says "incident" with zero hesitation. ] And when you were talking about the complications, you did the thing that people do when they're pregnant:

Put your hand on your stomach.

[cajolery]

I—what?! That was your reasoning?

[underwhelms]

You were already upset, I wasn't going to make you say it when you were trying to be discrete!

[cajolery]

My word. You genuinely believed this, then?

[ Mila help her... she can't even be that mad at him anymore—it makes her think of that old saying: never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. ]

[underwhelms]

Yes? [ How is that even a question? ] What kind of psycho would lie about...

[ Wait— ]

Did you think I was just spreading mean rumours about you?

[ Is this Mean Girls??? ]

[cajolery]

Of course not!

[ She doesn't think he's a jerk??? ]

Oh, never mind. Did you spread this rumor to any others?

[underwhelms]

No one that you would know.

[ Like... random people he meets. ]

[cajolery]

[ Now random people think she's having a baby??? Mila, grant her strength. ]

You truly... were quite thrilled by the idea, were you not?

[underwhelms]

Of course! Who wouldn't be thrilled about a baby?

[cajolery]

I suppose, under normal circumstances, that such news would be cause for celebration.

You must be quite fond of children.

[underwhelms]

I love them, of course. They're so bright and creative, and earnest. [ Also operate on the same wavelength as him. ] I come from a big family, so I have a lot of younger siblings too.

I'm pretty used to having kids around.

[cajolery]

Is that so? [ That's actually... pretty sweet.

Anyway, I'm going to assume she's heard at least passing mention of his podwife, just to spare you the pain of having to talk about it again. ]

Are you eager for a great many children of your own, then?

[underwhelms]

Yes! I want around five? Maybe more. But my plans have been a little derailed, eh? So I need to work harder so I can feed all those mouths.

[ He never thought he'd have this problem... ]

Are you and Percy planning to have an actual kid anytime soon?

[cajolery]

Wha—no!

[ JJ... ]

Did you listen to nothing I said? We are not even romantically involved. I assure you, I have no intention to produce children before marriage.

[underwhelms]

Well, he seemed ready to be part of the baby's life. So at least you know you do have options if you ever want to have a child!

I wouldn't have one before marriage either, but not everything always works out according to plan.

[cajolery]

[ She's not even going to dignify that first part with a response. ]

I suppose you do make a good point. We have certainly had to adjust our plans since arriving here, no?

[underwhelms]

Exactly. Clearly, Isabella will wake up one day, but I only have so many years of youth. I might have to do it on my own.

[cajolery]

[ she has so many questions ]

How... do you plan on accomplishing that? Is her presence not rather necessary?

[underwhelms]

There's always adoption! 👍

[cajolery]

Ah, yes, that is just so!

[ a thoughtful pause. ]

Would you truly attempt to raise children on your own? Is that not a difficult endeavor to take on alone?

[underwhelms]

I'm not alone, I've got you guys. [ He says this very matter of factly, like obvs why wouldn't they help him?? ] And there are a lot of things that are difficult [ read: being abstinent ] but nothing's too hard when you believe in it enough.

You're a knight, you probably know all about it.

[cajolery]

[ Oh, drat... that was a really cute answer. Her heart is warm. ]

Why... you are quite right, of course. Likewise, difficult things, as you say, are far easier to bear with others to help.