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[underwhelms]

hey, you've reached
✨👑KING JJ👑✨

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[tzaraisen]

[ Behold: Percival's face, surprisingly composed. ]

Do you have any last words?

[underwhelms]

[ Oh, he has another call coming. ]

Hey. Just hold on a sec.

[ Puts Percy on hold while he goes to answer Clair's call. ]

[tzaraisen]

No. I will not--

[ It's too late. He's on hold. ]

[underwhelms]

[ —And he's back! Happier than ever... ]

Yeeees? Did you want to ask me something?

[tzaraisen]

[ Well he was composed, but then he got put on hold and forced to listen to Theme of King JJ. ]

CLAIR IS NOT PREGNANT, YOU STUPID BRUTE!!!

YOU MADE ME LOOK LIKE AN ABSOLUTE FOOL!!!

[underwhelms]

[ . . . ]

What? Why are you— I thought we went over this already? Just, hold on—

[ He's gone again. Meanwhile, please enjoy. ]

[tzaraisen]

I am going to hunt you down and skewer your flesh--

[ "Flesh" and "pragnet" overlap because he's on hold. ]

[underwhelms]

PERCIVAL. [ Guess who's back. ] Look... I know this is a shock to you, but you can't let your fear turn into anger. Especially not if you're going to take it out on other people.

You don't need to be scared about the baby. With a godfather like me, you won't even have to do anything.

[ Which would be in character, since Percy hadn't done anything in the first place. ]

[tzaraisen]

Let me spell this out for you in a way that even you, a degenerate, might understand. Do not put me on hold if you value your life.

Number 1: Clair is absolutely not with child, a fact that I just confirmed with Clair herself

Number 2: Even if Clair were pregnant, I am not afraid of anything, least not parental responsibility.

Number 3, and most importantly: I am currently on my way to your house to beat you bloody.

[underwhelms]

[ . . . . . . . . . .

What. ]

What? [ ???? No one is more confused than him. ] Are you sure she wasn't—deflecting? To spare you...?

[tzaraisen]

[ This has been such a rollercoaster experience.

Just when Percival thinks it's a simple solution to be angry at JJ, he pauses.

JJ sounds... legitimately really confused?! ]

Wait one moment. You really... truly believed she was pregnant?

[underwhelms]

Yes? Why would I lie to you about becoming a father?! That's the best news anyone could get!

[ Ah... he's starting to feel the loss... ]

She's really not pregnant?

[tzaraisen]

That is what I'm trying to understand! What in the world could have given you such a preposterous notion?!

How many people have you told? You have humiliated Lady Clair with your baseless rumor!

[underwhelms]

[ He's too busy processing to answer Percy's question, and he kind of sounds far off as he replies: ]

I guess we both wanted to believe it was real more than we wanted to accept reality, eh?

[tzaraisen]

[ Is JJ even listening? Did he just imply that Percival wanted it to be true? ]

You need to find some way to make amends with Clair.

[underwhelms]

[ Can you give him a minute?? He just got some very shocking news. ]

Yeah... I'll apologize. [ He's still sad about the baby. ] It's good, if Clair didn't want a baby. But it's still sad.

[tzaraisen]

What, about any of this, is sad?!

[ He's just flabbergasted?! JJ wanted a child to be born out of wedlock?! ]

[underwhelms]

I was excited about a baby! I got a little attached to it. [ He spent money on baby clothes......... ] Aren't you coming over?

[tzaraisen]

If you yearn so much for a child, why not father one of your own? Don't subject others to your strange fantasies. [ He's very bleakly staring at the camera now. This is the face of a broken man. ]

I'm going to go home and go to sleep, and tomorrow, forget that any of this ever happened.

[underwhelms]

Me? I did plan to but... [ blah blah blah chastity blah blah blah podwife blah blah blah

Anyway - ]

Maybe I was projecting. Did I stress you out? [ ;) ] At least now you know how you'll react if it does ever happen. You're pretty dependable.

[tzaraisen]

[ Oh... that's a lot sadder than Percival was expecting.

It's really hard to stay mad and frustrated now, given the context for why JJ was so excitable to jump to conclusions. ]

Of course it was stressful, you dolt. Next time, ask before you jump to such conclusions.

[ His tone goes from scolding to softer. ]

And I hope that she will awaken soon. Your betrothed.

[underwhelms]

I was trying to be delicate.

[ Maybe JJ should shut up. But that's true most of the time, and JJ's never listened to that advice once in his life.

But otherwise, he simmers down, sighing as he slumps further onto the couch. ]

Thanks, me too. Sorry for freaking you out. [ . . . ] And making you look stupid in front of Clair.

[tzaraisen]

Next time, don't get ahead of yourself. Clarify before you jump to such a conclusion.

[ Excuse him while he sits here lecturing poor JJ like a parent. ]

You are forgiven, at least on my end. But it won't happen again. [ or else :policepepe: ]