( bootycall )

[underwhelms]

hey, you've reached
✨👑KING JJ👑✨

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[cajolery]

Cease this! Jean-Jacques, do not—

[ She's on hold again. ]

[underwhelms]

You're not pregnant?!

2/2

[underwhelms]

I already told everyone that you were!

1/2

[cajolery]

Of course not! Such a notion—the very idea is—

[cajolery]

You did what?!

[underwhelms]

Yeah. [ That's embarrassing... ] Yusuke's going to be very confused in nine months.

[cajolery]

Yusuke?! Why on earth would you tell him? Even if such a thing were true, you have no right to deliver the news yourself!

[ No, more importantly— ]

In any case, there will be no confusion, for I will tell him the truth.

[underwhelms]

I know, I'm sorry! [ So-rry, like a Canadian. ] But I was going to teach him so much about looking after a kid, it was going to be a lot of fun...

[ Clair, why you gotta kill his dreams. ]

He's surprisingly clueless.

[cajolery]

Of course he would be clueless! He's a child himself!

[ Clair you're only like one year older than he is, get over yourself. ]

You have caused a great deal of confusion, Jean-Jacques, which Percival and I were able to resolve well enough. However, you certainly placed a great manner of undue strain on him because of this. You shall apologize to him posthaste.

[underwhelms]

[ He's like a dog with its tail between its legs right now. ]

I apologized! Maybe I should've known better to trust my judgment since I was so drunk. I really believed you were pregnant...

For the record, you seem like you'd be a great mother. If the way you just scolded me is any indication.

[cajolery]

If you wish to convince me of your contrition, then I advise you to not sound so amenable to being scolded—let alone mention the mothering skills I will only be needing in your baseless misconception!

My word, what on earth did you hear to make you seize upon the notion that I was with child?

[underwhelms]

You remember the big party? We were talking and you were telling me about your incident with Percival. [ He says "incident" with zero hesitation. ] And when you were talking about the complications, you did the thing that people do when they're pregnant:

Put your hand on your stomach.

[cajolery]

I—what?! That was your reasoning?

[underwhelms]

You were already upset, I wasn't going to make you say it when you were trying to be discrete!

[cajolery]

My word. You genuinely believed this, then?

[ Mila help her... she can't even be that mad at him anymore—it makes her think of that old saying: never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. ]

[underwhelms]

Yes? [ How is that even a question? ] What kind of psycho would lie about...

[ Wait— ]

Did you think I was just spreading mean rumours about you?

[ Is this Mean Girls??? ]

[cajolery]

Of course not!

[ She doesn't think he's a jerk??? ]

Oh, never mind. Did you spread this rumor to any others?

[underwhelms]

No one that you would know.

[ Like... random people he meets. ]

[cajolery]

[ Now random people think she's having a baby??? Mila, grant her strength. ]

You truly... were quite thrilled by the idea, were you not?

[underwhelms]

Of course! Who wouldn't be thrilled about a baby?

[cajolery]

I suppose, under normal circumstances, that such news would be cause for celebration.

You must be quite fond of children.

[underwhelms]

I love them, of course. They're so bright and creative, and earnest. [ Also operate on the same wavelength as him. ] I come from a big family, so I have a lot of younger siblings too.

I'm pretty used to having kids around.

[cajolery]

Is that so? [ That's actually... pretty sweet.

Anyway, I'm going to assume she's heard at least passing mention of his podwife, just to spare you the pain of having to talk about it again. ]

Are you eager for a great many children of your own, then?

[underwhelms]

Yes! I want around five? Maybe more. But my plans have been a little derailed, eh? So I need to work harder so I can feed all those mouths.

[ He never thought he'd have this problem... ]

Are you and Percy planning to have an actual kid anytime soon?

[cajolery]

Wha—no!

[ JJ... ]

Did you listen to nothing I said? We are not even romantically involved. I assure you, I have no intention to produce children before marriage.