( bootycall )

[underwhelms]

hey, you've reached
✨👑KING JJ👑✨

Comments

[summertimeblues]

[....wait, no, this sounds like an entirely different person

and this weirdsville message doesn't have a hint of a joke to it either]

who is this?

[underwhelms]

this is jj
and i was really enjoying this conversation more when you were singing my praises

[summertimeblues]

oh fucking hell

ignore this sorry, I'm sure you're wonderful, you don't belong in a toilet

i am so sorry

[summertimeblues]

[And a moment later:]

how are you?

[underwhelms]

[ JJ's not particularly hurt in the first place, but he has to admit that it's very interesting to see Richie so... Well, like he's got his tail between his legs. ]

i'm fine
glad you don't think i should live in a toilet
sounds like you got caught up in something heated
want to talk about it?

[summertimeblues]

[how the mighty have fallen, etc etc]

glad to hear it but I am not able to discuss this with you, don't worry about it

[underwhelms]

richie
i'm your friend!! and you helped me when i was worried about isabella
you can share your troubles with me
did someone dine and dash on you?

[summertimeblues]

no one dined and dashed

it's private all right? You don't owe me anything, it's all dandy. I'm sorry I couldn't find her for you.

[underwhelms]

it's okay it's enough that you tried
i'm just saying you seemed pretty riled up
maybe you could use some stress relief

[underwhelms]

[ also, considering his conversation with dutch: ]

that's not me hitting you up for ass btw

[summertimeblues]

[DON'T?!?!?!?]

I hate to shatter your wet dreams but you're not my type

[underwhelms]

i don't know if i believe that [ He's everyone's type, etc. ]
but i am too young for you
haha don't worry! i can pretend to have wet dreams about you for a confidence boost

[summertimeblues]

jj i will never, ever want wet dreams from you

Cease and desist or I'll have you arrested

[beep beep, for the love of gOD, BEEP BEEP]

[underwhelms]

well that's a relief!
you're joking again
feeling better?

[summertimeblues]

sure why not

[underwhelms]

so what exactly is the king of fuck mountain?

[summertimeblues]

[he is not having this conversation, not with this daft child]

a horseman of the asspocalypse

[underwhelms]

sounds like something out of a pornography
richie i thought you were wholesome! you know one of those mentor figures that takes kids under his wing

[summertimeblues]

everyone watches porn jj, it's how the people cope

But you're right, I'm no mentor for the wayward children. You'll have to seek answers elsewhere

[underwhelms]

[ JJ doesn't, but he's not going to say that and have Richie think he's lame. ]

you think i'm one of the wayward children?
aren't we just friends?

[summertimeblues]

[being scandalized was all the evidence he needed, you sweet summer child]

didn't you ask me for advice because I'm an "adult?"

and yes we're friends, but I'm still 18 years your senior kiddo. you best be showing some respect for your elders

[underwhelms]

i do respect you as an adult
that's why i came to you for advice 😊
one adult to another...

[summertimeblues]

[okay for all that he laments jj's obtuseness and ego, his delusions are a little bit adorable. And his heart's in the right place. Richie snorts fondly at his phone.]

All right then. Are you feeling better these days?

[underwhelms]

i felt better as soon as i talked to you
it meant a lot that you wanted to help
i hope you're the one who's doing better
since someone seems to be bothering you
you can borrow my ice skates if you ever need them 😉

[ he's jk please don't ever kill someone with his skates ]